worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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