I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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