Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
only you would photoshop your dick
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
