i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
