don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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