I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
