I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
