his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
