He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
