1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
