just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
