we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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