One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
