my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
