i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
