I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
