I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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