yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
