the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The air taste purple.
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