i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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