Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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