Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
