You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
