You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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