i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
