Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
