at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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