I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
