He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
