You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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