Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
