life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
