One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
