Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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