my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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