Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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