i wish starbucks made bloody marys
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
