Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
