I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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