How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize