um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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