why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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