STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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