I could make wine with my vomit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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