Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either way he was missing a nipple.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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