she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
