Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
