Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize