i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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