you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
