you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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