FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
