i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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