Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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