i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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