Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
