Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
