it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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