I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
