How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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