tell your sister to shave her snatch
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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