happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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