he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
