That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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