im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
not ubering you a puppy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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