I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
