Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And then he peed in my hair
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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