so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
