Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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