Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize