Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
