i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
