2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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