I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
