Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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