if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
