In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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