I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
God I need to hump something, right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
