OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
